went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
