why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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