No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
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had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
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Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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