Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...