I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym