I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
