well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF