fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.