I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.