Swine flu. Run for my life!
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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