i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
