i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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