I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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