first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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