Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize