im holly from the hills drunk
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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