I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
