i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
