i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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