i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
