im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
