this boner is exhausting
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
