maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
