6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
