How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
