I just pynch a tree in the face
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
