Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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