We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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