You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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