It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
