you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
