That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
