I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
