mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
