So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
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