what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Randomize
