I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
