i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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