why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
