I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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