Please, let me fuck your mom
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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