i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
