I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
What a dumb baby whore.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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