Kiss
Puke
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I FOUND THE LEGS
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
