sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
