Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
