I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
