I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
