So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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