I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i now understand why vodka
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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