I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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