Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
