She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
We got so high we made milksteak
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
