Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
