How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
