I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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