Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
