Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
When are your genitals available?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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