Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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