the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
