Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
