I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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