i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
