Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Fuck appropriateness.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
