she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize