and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
bring money and cleavage
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Randomize
