she peed on how many people?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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