I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Holy shit dude........stairs
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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