I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
how drunk are you?
Several
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
