can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
