I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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