maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
