she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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