i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
