Texts From Last Night

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  (631): View more from New York

  Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.

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  (631): Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans. http://tfl.nu/f9ad
  Replies (74) Good night (4087) Bad night (1862)
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  (415): View more from California

  thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.

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  (415): thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america. http://tfl.nu/loag
  Replies (7) Good night (4153) Bad night (484)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.

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  (708): High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay. http://tfl.nu/m4rp
  Replies (20) Good night (5190) Bad night (883)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating

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  (817): I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating http://tfl.nu/2j7q
  Replies (8) Good night (5612) Bad night (1356)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.

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  (647): I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms. http://tfl.nu/aw2i
  Replies (38) Good night (7290) Bad night (1532)
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  (+33): View more from France

  how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?

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  (+33): how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men? http://tfl.nu/4scz
  Replies (61) Good night (6993) Bad night (1219)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.

  (1-316): View more from Kansas

  Yeah I'm going to bathe him.

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  (316): I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong. (1-316): Yeah I'm going to bathe him. http://tfl.nu/s84m
  Replies (6) Good night (3795) Bad night (877)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.

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  (212): Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom. http://tfl.nu/fuov
  Replies (19) Good night (867) Bad night (4651)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day

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  (970): You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day http://tfl.nu/to93
  Replies (6) Good night (1874) Bad night (560)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar

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  (702): As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar http://tfl.nu/w8o7
  Replies (10) Good night (2840) Bad night (606)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.

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  (617): Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now. http://tfl.nu/mmi9
  Replies (1) Good night (1326) Bad night (556)
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  I can't answer my phone I'm at work

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities

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  (339): I can't answer my phone I'm at work (781): I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities http://tfl.nu/qhjl
  Replies (5) Good night (1666) Bad night (455)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.

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  (941): We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success. http://tfl.nu/js7j
  Replies (1) Good night (603) Bad night (221)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.

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  (516): I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams. http://tfl.nu/a235
  Replies (2) Good night (484) Bad night (272)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life

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  (610): Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life http://tfl.nu/zhdb
  Replies (2) Good night (335) Bad night (500)

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