things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
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one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
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not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?