i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads