Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch