Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.