Texts From Last Night

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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks

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  (781): I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks http://tfl.nu/m8t9
  Replies (8) Good night (1623) Bad night (455)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case

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  (206): I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case http://tfl.nu/pt7p
  Replies (20) Good night (2988) Bad night (1259)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system

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  (608): buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system http://tfl.nu/p1zb
  Replies (8) Good night (2770) Bad night (576)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme

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  (662): looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme http://tfl.nu/w8jn
  Replies (16) Good night (3773) Bad night (1594)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes

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  (479): I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes http://tfl.nu/u839
  Replies (25) Good night (4163) Bad night (1250)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies

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  (214): he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies http://tfl.nu/w2ol
  Replies (4) Good night (3151) Bad night (743)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.

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  (618): I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera. http://tfl.nu/5ed2
  Replies (4) Good night (2431) Bad night (660)
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  (818): View more from California

  Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place

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  (818): Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place http://tfl.nu/xlhx
  Replies (60) Good night (16371) Bad night (1051)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I'm off the liquor

  (1-403): View more from Alberta, CA

  You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick

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  (403): I'm off the liquor (1-403): You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick http://tfl.nu/sglp
  Replies (7) Good night (1994) Bad night (634)
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  (916): View more from California

  ............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help

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  (916): ............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help http://tfl.nu/sdm1
  Replies (6) Good night (491) Bad night (1624)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting

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  (416): The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting http://tfl.nu/ap7m
  Replies (19) Good night (635) Bad night (1044)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer

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  (248): I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer http://tfl.nu/yuzp
  Replies (3) Good night (1102) Bad night (555)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.

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  (662): IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol. http://tfl.nu/ywt6
  Replies (1) Good night (1008) Bad night (572)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.

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  (540): By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill. http://tfl.nu/ghyy
  Replies (0) Good night (661) Bad night (293)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma

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  (919): Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma http://tfl.nu/tsev
  Replies (1) Good night (862) Bad night (254)

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