are you so shy because you have an std?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
