So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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