If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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